One Year

It was nearly one year ago (November 6) that I found myself laying in the Intensive Care Unit surrounded by beeping machines with a constant stream of different neurologists coming in and out of the room. After receiving another dreaded spinal tap, I was diagnosed with "Guillain-Barre Syndrome"...again. In my drug-addled haze, I found it hard to communicate all the questions that were echoing inside my head.

I kept thinking:

"What? My doctors told me this couldn't happen again!"

"Am I going to have to start all over? Oh man, a wheelchair...again!"

"Why? How? This makes NO SENSE!"

It was a LOOONG 9 days of feeling completely helpless and locked up. I didn't have a window in my room, and they kept telling me I had to stay longer. My parents were finally given permission, on the eighth day of my stay, to wheel me down the hall to a window. I have never been so happy to see outside!

Once I was released, the real work began. I received in-home physical and occupational therapy 3 days/week until I was strong enough to start outpatient therapy. I was incredibly blessed with all of the therapists and assistants that worked with me! 

I have been thinking a lot about how thankful I am to have come so far in one year. I prayed more in this past year than I have ever prayed before- Begging to be healed. Looking back on this year, I can see my progress and know that God was there the entire time, placing the proper people within my path. I've been lucky to have an amazing support system and great team of doctors.

This year I have:

• Had so many medical appointments I’ve lost track.
• Spent so much time at Physical Therapy that the staff became my friends!
• Spent hours researching anything that could promote healing.
• Ate lots of clean food.
• Wore leggings or mesh shorts nearly everyday of the year...real clothes hurt!
• Became a smoothie queen!
• Watched my family and friends show me a crazy amount of love and support.
• Molded play-doh, stacked coins, and perfected nuts and bolts until I wanted to scream!
• Built multiple “obstacle courses" in our living room for practice.
• Cried in a waiting room knowing everyone could see and didn't care.
• Learned to walk, jump, tie my shoes, and write my name all over again.
• Received five rounds (three transfusions per round) of new plasma… and counting.
• Been so bruised that I looked as though I had been hit by a truck.
• Quit getting anxious about needles…any needle… any size!
• Learned to embrace the madness and be thankful for this season, even if I want it to be over!

It has been a life-changing, hard, happy, frustrating, crazy year! I will never quit thanking and praising my friends and family for their support and encouragement. I hope no one gets angry that I used pics of them in my "One year video"...Each of you were such a big part of my healing journey! Sorry… not sorry! 

Here is a look back on the highs and lows....and here is to the next 365 days of continued healing!

I do not own the rights to either of these songs. (They have however, both played in my ear phones over and over this year!)

Put on Your Positive Pants!

Happy Hump day friends! We have made it half way through the week! Today, I want to chat about POSITIVE THINKING. 

POSITIVE THINKING is so much more than that cute Pinterest quote you came across or those pretty letters on your coffee mug. (side note: that fancy mug above came from Target!) Those things aren't bad… at all. In fact, they’re actually great reminders for us to “put on our POSITIVE pants!" I know for me, seeing a quote on Instagram doesn't automatically turn my frown upside down! I will admit that I’m often guilty of being that "Monday morning Facebook quote poster," complete with hashtags! Like I said before, posting that quote isn't going to change anyone's life, but it might be a great reminder to slow down and look for things to be thankful for. 

I think (or at least I hope) we all have a few people in our lives who are just SO POSITIVE! I immediately think of two women in my life who are the human embodiment of POSTIVE THINKING. They both speak joyful and POSITIVE words, and I don't think I have EVER heard either of them speak negatively about anything! They always seem to focus on the bright side of things. They are the kind of women you want to hang out with and be like! 

When I first came home from the hospital I was in a lot of pain. I was mad at my situation… I was bitter about the things that had been taken away from me… and all of that negativity was showing up in my words, my face, and my attitude! I can remember the conversation that began a slow transformation in me. My husband politely told me that, "being cranky wasn't helping anyone involved." It was a hard truth to swallow. I felt like I had the right to be CRANKY! However, as I began to think about the effect my attitude was having on myself, my family, and others around me, I knew I had to change something.

It was not like a lightbulb that immediately switched on. I still struggled with finding joy in certain situations, but I started by finding ONE THING, just ONE TINY THING that I could be thankful for each day. Some days were easier than others. Some things were more obvious to identify. 

Eventually, I noticed that by finding things to be thankful for, I was finding the source of happiness- and my entire family's focus began to shift. We became the family who got EXCITED about the small things. My boys began to cheer for my progress instead of feeling sad about what I still couldn't do. I began to find the “small wins” in my life such as: 

• Walking across the living room unassisted
• Getting out of the bathtub on my own
• Cooking a meal
• Tying my shoes

It would have been easy to point out all of the things I COULDN'T do, but those simple, small things that I used to take for granted had suddenly become huge victories once I had trained my mind to see them and celebrate them!

I hope anyone who is reading this is able to walk across their living room, tie their shoes, and take a bath on their own power… But, this principle can be applied to anyone. We all have days, weeks, or months that just seem overwhelming. We all have seasons in our lives when it is so hard to find joy in things or give reasons to be thankful… but make today a season of change!

Do me a favor. Start that change today, right now, and find ONE THING you are thankful for. Don’t just say you are thankful for your family, your house, or your friends, etc… Find something unique to THIS DAY that makes you happy. Look for some reason you’re EXCITED! Write it down, type it in your phone notes, post it on Facebook, or tell a loved one. Then, when that becomes a habit, increase the number you write down. I promise you, it will change the way you see things. You will start finding joy in the small things, and that will lead to a more positive outlook on life! 

Go out there and be POSITIVE, my friends! The world needs more of it!

A Story to Tell...

I have been tossing around the idea of starting a new blog, but I've decided just to re-invent this one. This blog started out as a way to update family, to help me cope by writing down what was going on, and with some hope that someone out there who is also struggling would have a story to connect with.

This time around, I'm focusing on the latter. I hope that by sharing my story, you can be inspired. You may not have a rare disease or chronic illness, but I bet you know someone who does. Even if you don't, trust me in that you can learn a lot from a girl who was running 90 mph and was forced to suddenly, unexpectedly, STOP....and try to make sense out of what a new normal is. 

For those who are new here, I'll give you the short story. If you stick around the rest of the story will eventually be told!

I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome in the summer of 2016. My recovery was slow the first few months after being released from the hospital. But, I eventually improved from wheel chair, to walker, to walking. (I skipped the cane- I hated that thing!) 18 months later I was driving, working, and walking. I still had a lot of nerve pain in my feet. It never really went away. But I was, overall, about 80% back to normal. Then....I had a relapse. When the ER doctor told me it was GBS AGAIN, I was in shock. I was told this wouldn't happen. I was mad. All that work, hours upon hours of therapy, only to find myself back at square one. The second time around GBS took a few more things away. My hands were in bad shape. I couldn't even tie my shoes. My vision went from 20/40 to 20/200 (legally blind) in 3 months. I experienced seizures and hallucinations during my stay in the hospital. It was one big nightmare. 

I'm happy to say that I sit here typing this today and I'm in awe that my fingers are working good enough to type so quickly! My feet and legs are stronger! I still experience fatigue that I don't even know how to describe, but I can walk! My vision is still weak, but I have seen small improvements. 

I am a lot more than a stupid autoimmune disorder, so you will hear about things other than that! I am a wife, and mom to 2 crazy boys. We just recently moved out to  middle of nowhere, and are homeschooling (sort of-more on that later) our boys. I'm finally to the point of healing where I'm ready to figure out how my dreams and visions can become a reality with my new normal. The combination of all that will surely provide some quality stories! 

I hope you will join me as I share a glimpse into this crazy life I call mine! I feel like I have been given a story to share, and I'd be honored if you followed along with me!