We Don't Say That Word

I haven't been updating as often as I thought I would. I love to sit down at night and just type. It's good for me. But, the past two to three nights my finger tips have been so sore with nerve pain it just wasn't worth it. They are better tonight...so I'm taking advantage.

I've been giving updates via Facebook so my friends and family can check in easily. It's an easy way for me to share once, and anyone that wants to know can read. I didn't realize how valuable it was until I quit updating for a short time and my inbox was flooded with "are you ok?" "how are you?" "what's going on?"....isn't technology great? I put up a status update today that I was back in ER...no fancy details to tell, just needed fluids, extra blood pressure meds, and pain relief. I didn't have "the happy" in me for a thumbs up pic at this point...after the meds were in me I felt a lot better though ;)
(side note: either my arms are getting skinnier or I've been in major denial about having "man hands" all my life!")

My Facebook updates are the basic in's and out's of hospital visits, tests, diagnosis, blah, blah, blah....
But today, while I was showering/bathing (yeah, when you can't stand very long, and you can't get out of a bathtub, you get to do this weird cross of sitting on an old person chair and spraying yourself...something for my young friends to look forward to!) Anyway, it's a painful part of my day. Heat hurts, cold hurts, it's tough to use some of the muscles I don't get to use very often now. I was sitting there, amping myself up for the next move...and I thought, this is the part that truly sucks. Sorry, if you don't like that word. I have a little friend that would tell me "We don't say that word!" But, I got to thinking about how so many people are faced with sooo much worse than what I am. So many people are, day in and day out, dealing with disease and sickness that is taking away what we take for granted every day! It changes how you feel, how people look at you, your body, your way of thinking...I am faced with a temporary syndrome, yes, I get scared that it's not temporary. I think that is just human. But, in the midst of the things that "suck"....I'm not naive to the fact that I am lucky it is not so much worse.

With that being said...I still get mad. I still feel sorry for myself sometimes. I hate so much about this. It's the things that happen in the middle of the day, that should be easy, when no one is watching, that just SUCK.

Now, if I still have all my readers that hate that word, I will continue....
We are in what feels like a constant phone battle with specialists.
So and so referred you here, call this number, but this number never got any paper work, call so and so back, then you get the awful leave a message and someone will get back to you in 24 hours.
It seriously feels like a full time job. I have had many people ask how they could specifically pray for us right now. This is how! Pray we get the right people to answer our calls and that we can get a move on the rest of the tests that need to be done. Pray that if the current doctors are not the right doctors for my situation, God will show us who to call.

As soon as I can get some of the nerve pain under control I will start physical therapy. I am so ready! I am more aware now of how hard it is going to be. It's going to take some blood, sweat, and tears...but I am determined to do what it takes. My littlest one asked today on the way to the hospital: "Dad, is mom always going to be like this with her legs?" Before either of us could answer, my oldest replied "Man, I hope not!" They are ready for mom to be back, and I'm ready to be back!
Let's Do This!